Seven Parents' Solutions to Wasting Time by Teenagers on Social Media and More About Mindset

Seven Parents’ Solutions to Wasting Time by Teenagers on Social Media and More about Mindset

It is conventional wisdom that Steve Jobs put a ‘dent in the universe’. No, he didn’t. Steve Jobs, in my view, spat on the universe. People who get up every morning, get their kids dressed, get them to school and who have an irrational passion for their kids well being, dent the universe. The world needs more homes with engaged parents, not a better f•ckin phone. Scott Galloway ‘the four’:

I received this comment from a parent who read my ebook TeenGirl Faces Time in the Sand.

I’m looking for some advice about setting some rules for my teen daughter crazy hours on social media. She doesn't seem able to want to talk anymore…Susan B

My first response is to share your concerns with a question: did your daughter also read the e-book?  A short story (54 pages) about one teen girl who made mistakes because of social media and found survival with a special superpower tool by which to respect her choices and timeline. I believe a change in personal mindset is necessary to find or believe in a more important value than living in a virtual world.

The biggest question is how can anyone control this technological digitized tide? Social media has flooded our society and cultural values. We have all been thrown into these radical changes and must learn to swim or sink. As adults, we have more maturity to handle the ebb and flow; and even then, we can make serious mistakes. 

However, as teenagers who are still developing their self-identity and social consciousness, their experiences can have long term consequences. How can we prevent a tragedy of a teen girl who makes a bad choice that can affect her potential for a lifetime? What kind of solution is personal and more permanent even beyond parental involvement?

But first, there are a few strategies that will help teens navigate social media:

1. Be a role model yourself by using less cell phones.
2. Keep dialogue open about ways to stay safe especially with new apps and websites. Ask questions about purpose and experiences.
3. Ask your teenager to keep a weekly or monthly  calendar to track and update activities. It’s a place to set personal goals and action plans.  As well, an online daily planner can keep track of assignments to be responsible for getting work done. Be sure the teen keeps the routine without constant reminders and no need to nag.
4. Of course, trying to tell teenagers what to do, doesn’t work well and may question their ability to “grow up” on their terms. But you can talk about why it is important to create a schedule with a list of priorities to use time wisely. Make specific times for video games or social media as well as for chores, homework and other responsibilities, including time for fun, too. Break big tasks into smaller ones.
5. Talk about how to resolve conflicts in time management based on values and commitments. Is a movie date more important  than a family dinner?
6. Set parental rules about your expectations as part of the teen’s list of priorities. Some rules will help to create healthy habits. Explain consequences when necessary. Don’t punish but reward better cell phone usage.
7. Off course, to take the cell phone away is like an amputation to a living social being which can create more angst, frustration or depression. But you can try to set limits on electronics. The daily planner with a self-written list of things to do, may limit the number of hours playing games, posing and texting.

As you can see, for both parent and teenager, with so much digital competition, specific time management is essential. A personal framework must be set up to plan, sets goals with action plans, to list priorities, note achievements and not to procrastinate.  Nobody wants high levels of stress trying to cope with information overload or be a lifelong procrastinator.

Bottom line: Nobody wants to waste time. So do you agree that wasting time is a negative value in our society? If so, what can we do to show that time is your most valuable resource…you can only play it forward inside a circle of Today, and once it turns into a block called Yesterday, it can’t be replayed. However, the blocks from the Past are the foundation for the Present which lead into the Future.

The strange paradox of time, in its infinity,  is that it can only be managed in a very small-time frame called today and today can be sparked by a tinier matter of choice.

But how can you explain this to a young teen age girl? The question is asked in the story: What if you had the power to see the future and how your actions today may affect tomorrow? Would you make the same choice?

As basic solutions, I believe we all agree that open communication and time management skills are important to keep teenagers safe from risky online exposure and wrong choices.  

However, as an educator, I think we need more. Teenagers need to develop a stronger mindset that their own time is as valuable, if not more valuable, than screen time playing in someone else’s reality. Their solution is personal, meaningful and more permanent.

A mindset is developed via a learning process and lesson plans. Read the next blog about understanding why a new TIME MINDSET is so important to deflect from wasting time on social media with specific lesson plans.

Sincerely,

Annemarie Berukoff

amarie10@gmail.com

833 471 4661

Excerpts from Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand:

"You're right, dear," Grannie said quietly. "I don’t know and I can't undo your past but there is a truth I know can help you from now on.

There's a strange magic begins to happen when you know that TIME controls a CHOICE and a HABIT, but HABIT is NOT THE SAME THING AS A CHOICE.  A choice can happen in an instant. A habit will follow you as heavy and long as you want.

But this choice is instant, like a match flame. Ignite a wrong choice; it can lead to bad habits … even burn out your foundation who you want to be. Or you can make the right choice which becomes a stepping stone towards better habits and future..."

"I am waiting for something big to happen, like in the movies, but Grannie continues,

"In fact, let me take a step back. People have a limit of 24 hours a day. We assume that the noise in our head is in the head of other people like us. But there has never been a society which is so overloaded with noises, sights, and egos through the use of Smart phones and the internet.

So, we think what others want us to think; make quick choices others want us to make, which turn into habits at the end controlled by others. And habits, like well used runways, in the brain, are the hardest chains to break once built. Like I read once, we become carbon copies of present culture. The younger ones are the most vulnerable trying to copy in the wink of an eye.

Remember a choice is not a decision. It is only the spark that begins a decision through multiple steps which may result in forming habits, but that is another discussion."

  

The Challenge of Representing Time to a Teenager in New Story

The Challenge of Representing Time to a Teenager in a New Story

I look at my open hand. Yes, it's true … it's not even imagination any more. I can see clearly my past, present and future and spark of choice resting on my palm. They may be invisible shapes in the sensory world but the meanings are written clearly across my brain along with a surge of power that respecting my Timeline is now up to me ... 

excerpt from A Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand. 

My first blog introduced the rationale and quick summary of a new e-book called A Teen Girl Makes Time in the Sand. There are three basic reasons for writing this timely e-book.

1. How to stop social media from taking advantage of a rash and brash teenage brain still in development personified here as a Giant Clown Face of epic proportions...

2. How to start looking at value of Time and power of choice as a super power tool to avoid making bad mistakes that may affect or change the total Time Line...

3. How to use diagrams as a base for discussion of growing up in a mass media social world, and structuring the experience of time without counting numbers. (Blog 3)

It is worth noting that there was a major challenge in representing the value of Time, especially to young vibrant teenagers who view life as inevitable passion to grow up on their terms with their technical gadgets. 

Ask a teenager what is the most valuable thing or power you have and the answer, most probably, won't be time itself.  After all, what happens today is not as important as to what happens tomorrow for fun, excitement, group and self-identity.

In fact, for most people, the primary focus of time is counting numbers in a tactical system measured by minutes, days, months, years, decades, etc.  However, how do you count or measure the quantity of EXPERIENCE which is the content between the numbers?  It is the quality of experience and foresight that makes the difference…but how do you explain this to a 14 year old?

So the story progressively explains the "shapes" of Time as circles for the Present, blocks for the Past, and open-ended lines for the Future.  It is easier to picture how they may be interconnected on a time line and web of life. 

The Yesterdays, whether good or bad, can pile up like a wall not to be replayed or rebuilt. The Tomorrows are visionary directions of hope. They can embody huge amounts of time. But Today is the only living circle of opportunity where to choose your future life lines or directions.

But here is the strangest paradox of Time. It can only be managed in a very small time frame called TODAY. And TODAY can sometimes be sparked by a tinier matter of CHOICE.  

Herein lies the tragedy or the triumph.  As tiny as choice may be, it holds the seeds of reaction, decision, habit and everything else in between.  Doesn't it make better sense to broaden the scope or power of this moment?

The climax of the story is to discover a super power tool that respects the passage of time as a simple exercise to enact in immediate situations to help make a smart choice in respect to Time itself.  It answers the early question:

What would you do differently if you had the choice of seeing the future?

A Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand makes sense as a grandmother leads her young granddaughter to talk about her experiences in a "Selfie-Celtie" world, her regrets, and redemption to believe more in her true self and natural abilities with positive ways to connect to the internet. 

Check this unique e-book with many simple diagrams to help explain the complex infinity of making good choices and living wisely. 

Your experiences, with or without teenagers, and comments about the passage of time are important to share and learn from.

Sincerely,

Annemarie 

 

Excerpts:

Thinking back, there is no training how to deal with changes in technology when my brain's biology remains unchanged.  A teenager is still young, still curious, still wants to be liked, feel attractive, praised and rewarded again and again...

They buy into the electronic Hall of Mirrors where everyone is watching and comparing themselves, trying to find some piece of wisdom in a crowd or mob, not sure how not to stop suckling from an alternative reality not their own.  

But all is quiet. I think there is something wrong with this picture when a young teenage brain in normal growth patterns of fitting into normal society also has to try to find a place in a newly fractured culture of Social Media without rules, constraints or limitations with abnormal expectations of adulthood.

Yes, I certainly have made bad choices in the past but they are now a wall of blocks behind me and there is a vision of a more open-ended and liberating future ahead of me….
I see a room full of yesterdays; but also a bright circle of today where I can make real living choices using my super power tool.

…..