My Opinion About Dr. Phil On Meeting Today's Cinderella as a Social Media Influencer

My Opinion about Dr. Phil On Meeting Today’s Cinderella as a Social Media Influencer

                 The race for cheap, unearned attention is a race that can’t be won. As soon as someone gains the lead, someone else will lower their standards and take a shortcut to get even more. The players have already surrendered their self-esteem, so it’s simply an escalating hijack of trust. And so we have dark patterns, once-respected media outlets with shameless headlines and an entire industry based on click bait, come-ons and trickery. 

Seth Godin

Well, Dr. Phil, as a psychologist and an arbiter of our society, seems to be taking another look at social media impacts. Recently, Sept. 12, he had a show called Desperate for Insta-Fame. He introduced a 21-year-old woman called Jessy who spent over 11 hours a day researching, planning and taping outrageous content for likes and follows.

There she sat with long black hair, heavy eye makeup, lacquered lips, expensive cut-out pumps with Cinderella glass heels, and long fingernails curling into glossy arcs with sequined flower details…very exclusive, waving them in front of Dr. Phil.

She was proud to have 100,000 Instagram followers who looked forward to her posts, the more offensive the better. She bragged the more stupid you act, the more views you get. Her motto is "Do What Others Won’t Do" like stealing a sandwich off a customer’s plate and running away on video tape. It’s the shock value where people “hate to love you,” she explained. My head spins, is this the be-nasty fuel, the ignition on social media? 

She bragged about her celebrity status standing out in parties and hooking up with guys but only if they had more followers than her. Then her Tweeter and  Instagram were temporarily shut down because of racist tweets which were reactive to other posts not personal at all she said. But her despair had hit the worst possible tragedy from making 500K dollars, as claimed, to living off food stamps with beautiful fingernails and shoes. She was “nothing without her followers.” But exactly, who are these faithful subjects with nothing better to do than watch fools making fun of themselves?

When faced by a life counselor who outlined the values of being yourself but only better (title of his book), she dapped away a few tears saying she didn’t have much parental guidance or friends. 

Dr. Phil asked her to do one thing every day over 5 days to turn her life around. The advice was to go to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and serve lunch to people who truly had nothing and no excuses.

I don’t know, Dr. Phil, if serving people as a scullery maid will enlighten her potential in the real or virtual world. Can her brain ingrained with so much self-flattery and disrespecting rights of others over years on social media be changed with a few hours of volunteer work?

We are all familiar with Cinderella, a poor mistreated girl who finds her dream through magic fairies turning pumpkins into royal coaches and a glass slipper who wins the hand of a prince to live happily ever after. But what about the magical domains in today’s changing world especially for young teenage girls?

Certainly, social media dominates the landscape and celebrities rule. We are socially engaged to a  new princess or prince called the influencers who oversee some of the largest gatherings found on YouTube and Instagram. We admire and trust them to buy their choices of fashion, food, entertainment, sports, colleges or favorite restaurants. 

For example, a top You Tuber with 100,000 loyal followers or more can expect to generate thousands from advertisements by plugging their favorite products or stores.  An Instagram user with 100,000 followers can command $5,000 for a post made in partnership with a company or brand.

There are three points here. One, as consumers, we have always followed trends or word of mouth recommendations. Two, what kind of consumerism is based on the flagrant and outrageous behavior of a selfie brand that says I am so crazy but respect me,  like me and follow me? How does stupidity become a trend? Third, there is no doubt that social engagement and personal information are  today’s currency, easy to collect and manipulate.  

However, the big question is how fair is this to vulnerable teenagers as to what to like, where to go and who your friends are; not withstanding these bizarre selfie-jesters who juggle craziness for viral fame by stealing sandwiches or licking ice cream containers in supermarkets.

As a retired teacher who understands the learning process,  I can only shake my head at the lack of basic subject matter for teenagers, especially girls, about the power of social media and how to contain its forces for personal growth and development, not distraction, amorality and futility.  

In my opinion, we need far more serious intervention to reset social norms than a week of KP duty to win the battle. To that need, I wrote an e-book Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand for three main reasons:

1. How to stop social media from taking advantage of a rash and brash teenage brain still in development

2. How to start looking at value of Time and power of choice as a superpower tool to avoid making bad mistakes that may affect the total Timeline

3. How to use symbols to better discuss what it means to grow up in a mass media world personified here as a Giant Clown Face of epic proportion 

What is your opinion about this modern day Cinderella? Do you think that Dr. Phil's solution will get results? What do you think can help this young woman?

I look forward to your opinions and comments...always important. 

Sincerely,

Annemarie Berukoff

amarie10@gmail.com

833 471 4661 

Excerpt from Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand: 

Today the real tragedy with young people is how to overcome the huge problems created by a Giant Media Monster; like a Medusa manipulator using her vast army of words and images to twist, to seduce and undermine the ability of people to think critically and freely. It's like a vast army of fake selfies attacking what's good and normal.

The great personal tragedy is made worse because most young people do not use their real characters to take offensive action but rather create their own fake Selfies to closely reflect what the Media Monster promotes.  These are soldiers on the same side with the same goals which means the Monster wins every time. Like I said before, the Monster has no regret for what it is doing; it will never apologize if you keep liking her artificial ugliness again and again.

PS: Read another blog about Dr. Phil's encounter with viral madness.

PPS: I am always looking for podcast interviews.

What If, There is One Common Value All Teen Girls Can Learn to Manage on Social Media?

What If, There is One Common Value All Teen Girls Can Learn to Manage on Social Media?

The sink shot: When a girl takes a selfie in a bathroom mirror, often in a thong, and poses with her behind propped against the sink, so that it will appear larger. Not surprisingly, Kim Kardashian popularized this sort of shot, also known as a “belfie,” or butt selfie.  

Nancy Jo Sales; “American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers”

Researching and writing about today’s teen girls with social media problems is multi-faceted and complicated. What teen girl has enough adult experience to write about her trials and resolutions based on an incomplete timeline? As a retired teacher with full view, I wrote an e-book called Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand to emphasize the one common value all teen girls share whether they know it or not.  

Here is one critical viewpoint from a reader I'd like to address:

“This is a rather mild-mannered story like Clark Kent talking about a Superwoman challenge. As a parent, I wish I had more answers about my teens online. I live in a small town where there are  too many young girls who party too much with alcohol and drugs. What about the vaping or opioid addiction found in high schools? How can parents identify drug use or open up communication? This is a different story than expected but a timeline on  a string is interesting, if it could be that simple.  Amy D

Here is my response:

Thanks, Amy, for taking time to read this teen e-book. I’m pleased you found that managing a Timeline is interesting because how to respect Time is the message of this short story that ALL teen girls can relate to. The Big Question is to how to apply it in simple terms. 

The difficult challenge in writing about so many different shattered dreams in a new social order, is to find at least this one common thread that every girl can value and that is TIME itself. Not in the sense of measuring by numbers, hours or days, but in managing the experiences that make a difference between the numbers. Every girl wants a good time leading to better times and success; nobody wants to look for having a bad time with worse consequences.

"But time is only the medium not the victim here. It is a 14 year old girl who can become a victim because she can make a mistake that will affect her whole life. How fair is that? Is it her fault or is it the selfish culture around her? There must be a way to stop making the wrong choice at a young age." 

Excerpt: Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand Timely Tale of Struggles, Regrets and Survival on Social Media.

The biggest challenge still remains, in no uncertain terms, how do you deal with this unfiltered, unsupervised, unprecedented  virtual suspension of normal social rites for teen girls entering into adulthood with too many tragic results. Too many stories from news and personal experiences are written about cyber bullying, suicides, sexual texting and harassment, unwanted pregnancies and family breakdowns, drug addictions and other personal disasters.

It’s impossible not to compare my youth growing up in the 1960’s where our social order was planted with family and focused on education toward a responsible career. At 14 I knew I was a somebody who best spend my time respecting set boundaries with friends and role models who lived close by and mutually liked each other. My biggest problem was what skirt to wear to the high school prom and this small zit private only to my mirror. The first time I heard of something weird called intercourse was at 18 years in a grade 10 PE class by a counselor.

Today, we watch in shock as so many 14 year old girls preen, post  and prime for role models to be a somebody on a social media scale to be measured, evaluated and objectified by popular adult standards, unattainable except to the sensitive teenage brain fueled by dopamine likes and shares where a relationship can be started by sending a nude photo.

Just think, of a traditional story with a simple picture of a young girl facing a greedy wolf ready to devour her innocence of youth. One heroine with one antagonist can be dealt with common sensibility.

As one picture in this story, there is an adolescent damselfly nymph feeding from a giant media clown face in her maturation cycle.  Just think, this adult will perpetuate what it grew up on and it begs the question about what kind of collective wisdom will populate our social culture drawn from this effluence. Note that a damselfly plays the role of the fragility and impermanence of  life.

As a new reality with social media, a young teenage girl needs to find her true self  on a vast technological landscape which itself becomes the monster antagonist ... not one villain but so many controlling forces imposing their pressure to be a somebody according to mass media standards. In many ways, this is an untenable and virulent attack on the developing adolescent brain which works differently than adult brains because it is guided more by “random exploration” and by the emotional and reactive amygdala than the thoughtful, logical  frontal cortex. The average adults’ judgement rationale to make decisions is reached in the mid-twenties.  

So how do you tell a story about innocence, curiosity and growing up in a rampaging, engulfing media circus where teen age girls also admit that there is a love / hate relationship with social media but do not want to stop because their lives would be empty. How do you prepare or protect yourself from this tragic onslaught with far implications for our culture where coming-of-age women are finding maturity from superimposed hype, failed expectations and ego-driven  materialism?. What are the long-term consequences on family and society? Could it possibly get worse? 

The mission statement becomes If time can’t be replayed and only go forward, then the most precious commodity we have is Time and how to use it to its best value becomes essential. 

Therefore, it is necessary to turn this story into a heart-rending analogy by using the power of symbols which connect to several layers of meaning both visible and invisible. One symbolic protagonist is an immature adolescent brain facing a symbolic antagonist of epic proportion known as the social media clown face. 

More symbols are introduced to encompass the meaning of Time beyond the literal meaning of counting hours or days. Yesterday’s past experiences are put in a box, today’s present moments are alive in a circle and future visions are open ended lines. The moment of choice is seen as a spark on today’s circle as different from a decision or habit.  The whole set is linked together with a personal super power tool to help make good choices relevant to past, present and future.

This e-book is short enough to read in a few hours with simple drawings to highlight events including the new image of a Selfie Celtie. The story happens in 3 days from a drug testing to recollections on a beach  to an adolescent brain mixing it up with a social media nightmare, and a grandmother’s kindly introduction to  a personal super power tool to manage the precious Timeline. The short account has a pivot point where life can turn around with the right message.

So, how would you answer this important question: How can we help with adult overview to help teenage girls to find their true selves minus social media impositions?

Questions and comments are always welcome...together we can find solutions in this radically different digital culture. 

Annemarie Berukoff

amarie10@gmail.com

833 471 4661 

https://helpfulmindstreamforchanges.com

Grannie asks: "Let me ask you another important question, somewhat based on this messy life spectacle. You understand that the future only appears as a vision and today is the only time you have to react to anything. What if you had the power to connect to the future to help direct your present actions to fulfill that future?  I wonder what kind of choices you'd make ... would they be the same?

"There's a strange magic begins to happen when you know that TIME controls a CHOICE and a HABIT, but HABIT is NOT THE SAME THING AS A CHOICE.  A choice can happen in an instant. A habit will follow you as heavy and long as you want.

But this choice is instant, like a match flame. Ignite a wrong choice; it can lead to bad habits … even burn out your foundation who you want to be. Or you can make the right choice which becomes a stepping stone towards better habits and future. 

As brief as it might be, it is the matter of choice that makes it a superpower because it has the power to change the direction of your life.  Nothing is more powerful with more consequences; so it’s a good thing to make it as smart as possible. I think we agree on making a strong, smart choice."

Excerpts from Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand: Timely Tale of Struggles, Regrets and Survival on Social Media.

NOTE: There are 10 lesson plans to use this content at an individual understanding.

PS:   I am always looking for a PODCAST interview to further explain this story. 

https://youtu.be/fnEztJKfzdQ